One morning a few weeks ago I received a beautiful gift in my email inbox. It was a short story sent to me by my friend Tina Frank. As a mother, this short glimpse both made me smile and tear up. Motherhood does that.

 

Tina wrote:

“This morning after my normal routine of getting kids off to school and walking the dog, I came into the house and began folding laundry.  I picked up a shirt and held it up getting ready to fold it.  It was my son’s high school soccer jersey with his number “19” on the back.   He is a senior in high school and his team just finished an incredible season. As I held it up, I thought, “I will never fold this shirt again.”  I will never see him wear it again.  I brought the shirt to my heart and held it.  It was then I began to cry.  It just hit me from out of nowhere, as my tears often do.  I had kept these tears hidden from my son as I witnessed his tears after his final game.  Witnessing his teammates hugging and crying on the field was both heart breaking and heart-warming at the same time.  These boys, now men, really understood the meaning of “brother-hood”.  I felt sad and happy for my son, who has no brothers–knowing that this experience was extraordinary for him. 

 

I know in my heart I am not grieving the loss of “folding laundry”. I am grieving the loss of my son who will be off to college in less than a year.  He is my oldest and he is deeply spiritual.  He has always been able to bring a sense of calm to others, especially me.  He and his sister have brought my husband and I so much joy.  I can’t believe it is time for us to really prepare my son to be on his way.  I will miss him terribly.  He is a special young man, not perfect by any means– but special.

 

I think back to the time when I first realized my husband and I were unable to have children due to infertility issues.  I cried then too… God had a much bigger plan for us though. I like to think that was a moment where there was a spiritual glimpse–where God was winking at us saying ” I have something really special for you.”  And HE did!    We are so blessed to have been able to adopt and to really have the experience of loving and being loved by our children.  My husband and I are unbelievably grateful. 

I just know this is another time in my life where God is winking at me.”

 

I met with Tina to ask her a few questions. Thank you for sharing such a touching moment with us. Can you please tell us a little about yourself?

 

Sure. I am a wife, married for almost 24 years to Matt and a mother to two teenage children, Andy and Grace. I am turning 50 soon and have been a Psychiatric Health Nurse Specialist for a long time! For the past year, I have been in private practice counseling and my office is located at the Center in Eau Claire.

 

What does the idea of spirit mean to you?

Spirit is a feeling to me. It feels like energy, and clarity to me. When I am connected to this clarity, there is a deep sense of peace and sureness. It offers me a sense of direction and reminds me that I am part of something much bigger than myself. For me, spirit is God.

 

Your story is so lovely. Do you feel you were born a mother?

 

Yes I was. I absolutely always knew. There was no doubt. I was the oldest of 5 children and mothered them. I always thought I would have kids. I dreamt about it. When I found out that biologically my husband and I could not have children. That news was very hard. It was devastating. However, it turns out it was one of the biggest gifts of my life.

 

Even amid the devastation of that news, we still saw ourselves as parents. When we ceased resisting, doors began opening for us. We got tons of support from amazing friends and family. We began working with a group called “Resolve” which assists couples beginning to look into adoption. After much research, we decided to pursue international adoption.

 

Can you recall the moment you became a mother Tina?

 

I can. It was November 3^rd and I received a tiny picture of Andy. He was in a onesie and his little diaper was soaked. I looked at that picture and new in that moment that he was our son. Soon after that, another picture, our beautiful daughter Grace. God just knew there was something better out there for us and it came in the form of our two beautiful children. We were meant to be their parents. I have always known that deep down. I have felt it. They were placed in our loving care as a gift from God to help us grow. Both my husband and I are truly grateful.

 

And now in what feels like a fast-forward, Andy is graduating! The time has gone so very, very fast. The story I sent you was spirit led as well. I am beginning to understand that this exciting stage for Andy and soon for Grace will shift my role as a mother. I will always be their Mom but I also need to allow myself time to grieve this stage. I am letting go while simultaneously being so happy for both of them.

 

Tina, if you could offer any advice to yourself all those years ago on the day you received the news that you and your husband could not have biological children, what would it be?

 

It is hard because at that moment, I needed to go thru the pain in order to emerge from it. Initially, I would not have understood or heeded advice from anyone. I was a bit too raw.

As you go thru it however, you come to an understanding that the new way is somehow actually more right. You begin to feel it. You begin to know it. You begin to trust it.

Be patient. There is a story waiting here for you. You just don’t know what it is yet. Something better is coming towards you and it will be the greatest gift of your life.

God knows your heart. There is a plan and it is more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.

 

Tina Frank is a psychiatric clinical nurse specialist with a specialization in children and adolescents.  She has been practicing over 25 years and owned her own private practice for 12 years.  She recently decided to change her course and become certified in the field of Positive Psychology, hence the name of her practice, Positive Living. She is a wonderful resource! Check out her website: www.positivelivingeauclaire.com